


So Die, You and I

by BlindCupid



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Minor implied Severus/Lucius
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:20:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24412711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlindCupid/pseuds/BlindCupid
Summary: The Dark Lord returns and Severus Snape waits.
Relationships: Tom Riddle | Voldemort/Severus Snape, Tom Riddle/Severus Snape
Comments: 11
Kudos: 119





	So Die, You and I

Severus stared at his blackened mark.

The Dark Lord had returned.

But Severus had not yet been called.

The Triwizard Tournament had been a month since. The boy, Cedric Diggory was buried. Potter was home for the summer and Lucius was telling him about the graveyard,

“But surely the Dark Lord will have told you all, already.” Lucius said and his voice could not hide his jealousy as well as he thought.

Severus fisted his left hand, as though he might flex his thoughts through his forearm.

“The Dark Lord hasn’t called me.” Severus stated blandly.

Lucius’s eyes widened a little. He smiled sadly, but his eyes lit with satisfaction. Severus felt Lucius step toward him and his fingers graze his hip.

His breath was hot against Severus’s cheek and traveled down his neck. Lucius pulled him closer.

“No.” Severus said with finality.

Lucius stilled and tried to catch Severus’s eyes.

“Because he’s back?” Lucius asked.

Severus didn’t answer. Only flexing his left arm, willing it to burn, to sting, to tingle, to something more than blacken and remain silent as the grave.

———

“Thank you, Severus. You are dismissed.” The Dark Lord said, his formality faltering not at all.

It was the first Severus had seen of him since his return. He was grotesque, more snake than man; he was hardly the same man at all. Even his voice hissed more than it had. His nose was gone and in its place were two slits like a snake’s. The blue of his eyes had turned red. The smoothness of his skin had scaled and turned grey. His thick black hair which had always been cleanly styled, which had been speckled grey at his temples and which Severus had seen so many times mussed in the morning, was gone completely.

He had so many questions.

But he had been dismissed.

Severus bowed deeply and “My Lord” stuck in his throat.

The Dark Lord had required a report on Dumbledore and nothing else. Severus couldn’t move. He didn’t want to. He hadn’t seen him in over a decade.

The last time Severus had seen him, he had promised to spare Lily. Dumbledore said Lily’s love saved Potter and caused the curse to rebound. Severus had a another theory- promises between wizards carry power of their own.

Yes. Lily’s love protected her son and forced the Dark Lord to choose between keeping his promise and destroying that ridiculous prophecy in its infancy. Lily’s love for her son, Severus’s love for Lily and the Dark Lord’s broken promise. Severus had over a decade to think about it and though none could prove it, he felt in his bones that it had been the combination of those three forces that destroyed the Dark Lord the first time- _thrice defied_. Severus also, felt that history would have to repeat itself one more time to help bring the Dark Lord down in totality.

“I said, you are dismissed,” hissed the Dark Lord.

Severus held his ground. He needed to repeat history.

“I beg you my Lord, let me be yours.” An echoed verse from the past, but now spoken in a deeper, rougher and more sure tone, “I’ll do anything.”

Those word had held a different meaning at 18. He meant only to be allowed into the Dark Lord’s inner circle. How desperate he had been, how naive; not innocent in the least, but he had not realize how those words sounded to the older wizard. He had not truly understood the look in the other’s deep-blue eyes or the quickening of his breath or why he had licked his lips in such a way.

He knew better now. He had been taught by the Dark Lord himself, how dangerous his own promise to this wizard had been.

But _he_ hadn’t broken his promise. He had done everything and anything asked, demanded, and even on occasion, begged of him.

“Severus,” just his name spoken in a hush, carried much weight and meaning.

Severus looked up from where he had been bowed and saw the Dark Lord stood turned slightly away from him. Severus took a step and then another. The Dark Lord did not move. He seemed to be waiting.

Severus reached out his hand and his fingertips touched the cold, scaly skin of the Dark Lord’s wrist. He didn’t pull away and Severus took another step forward.

Harsh red-eyes snapped to him and regarded him coldly.

“I am not the man I once was.” He hissed softly like he was trying not to, like he was trying hard to sound like he once had. “I've spent twelve years on every street in hell.”

“That’s odd; I never saw you there.” Severus spoke smoothly, resting his palm against the cold wrist which quickly warmed under the heat of his own hand.

He pulled slightly, encouraging the Dark Lord to turn toward him, to face him. How such a simple gesture filled him with a sense of power like nothing else, even now. Even nearly... Merlin, has it been over 15 years? 16? When he had first touched, first been touched by this man? At first, he had been confused and uncertain. His own lust had surprised himself. The Dark Lord had been handsome and powerful and so very charming. He could have had anyone and he had, he had whomever he wanted whenever he wanted them.

Until Severus.

From the time Severus was 19 to 21, until the Dark Lord’s fall, for nearly three years it had only been him. It had only been them.

The Dark Lord’s bed had even been his own, after the Dark Lord visited Spinners End once,

“You call this is a home?” The Dark Lord had laughed, his smile making him blindingly handsome.

Severus had been ashamed, embarrassed. He flushed and the Dark Lord took his hand and kissed his palm.

“Well, are you going to give me a tour?” Severus looked away, face pinching, thinking he was being made fun of, but the Dark Lord had stepped into his space and pulled Severus’s hips into his own. His voice dipped with lust, “I suggest we start with the bedroom. Give this place a proper goodbye.”

That’s what Severus wanted now. He knew the end was coming. He knew that both their days were numbered. He wanted a proper goodbye. Not like last time. Not a chaste peck and a “I’ll see you soon.”

Severus leaned in. The Dark Lord’s skin was colder than his own. He nearly shivered from it. His scent was not even the same, but Severus’s eyes fluttered shut anyways and pleaded,

“Let me be yours again.”

Severus felt cold fingers thread through his hair at the back of his neck and the fingers warmed quickly to match his own rapidly heating body. He leaned into the touch and couldn’t stop his lips from speaking the words he had buried for all these years,

“I missed you.”

He felt breath mingle with his own and he anticipated lips but none came, the fingers left his hair and the wrist was pulled from his grasp. Severus almost stumbled but he straightened his spine and looked at the Dark Lord. He had turned his back to him and walked a few paces away. The Dark Lord raked an almost claw-like hand over his scalp.

“This body... it’s not. I keep trying to tell you.” The Dark Lord’s head seemed to drop a little before he straightened his back and stood tall and regal. His back was still to Severus, but he turned his head and spoke from his profile.

“I’ve had enough of your insolence. You are dismissed,” he hissed harshly but faltered at his name and it came out breathy, “Severus.”

“No.” Severus spoke deep and rich, more like a prince than the lord in front of him, “No, I am not so easily dismissed. I loved you. I could again, if you’d let me.”

In truth, he had worshipped him. In every way, he had worshipped him to the point of blasphemy. If there was a god to be jealous of such a thing, then god would have been jealous of his love for this man.

Perhaps that’s why Severus had found himself torn between his love for Lily and the Dark Lord. There was a god out there somewhere, who was wrathful of his idolatrous nature.

The Dark Lord stood quietly fuming and Severus‘s anger grew as well.

“Why did you not call for me? Why did you not come to me?” Years of questions, pain and grief pouring out, “You were at Hogwarts for a whole year. Why did you not come to me? I could’ve...”

The Dark Lord shook with laughter.

“What? While I was nothing but a parasite on the back of that useless Quarrel’s head? Hiding under a turban and living off unicorn blood?” He huffed in disgust, “I could not bear the thought of you seeing me like that.”

“Do you doubt me so entirely?”

The Dark Lord spun to him, his eyes accusing.

“And why shouldn’t I? After all, you did so sweetly beg for that mudblood’s life. I have every reason to doubt your devotion to our cause.”

“My _devotion_ was never to your cause, but to _you_.” Severus stepped forward. The Dark Lord averted his eyes but let Severus approach. “Why do you turn away? Can you still not bear to let me see you?” The Dark Lord did not move and he did not answer. Severus huffed, “I’d forgotten how vain you are.”

The Dark Lord’s lips pinched an twitched until his grin spread unconfined. His laugh was the same and Severus wanted to pull him to his chest and feel it in his own ribs.

The Dark Lord sobered and regarded Severus, “Tell me honestly, are you not repulsed by my appearance? Disgusted?”

Severus gave in and reached his arm around the other’s waist and pulled him chest to chest. He felt a heartbeat against his own and that was all he needed.

“No.”

“This body is not... whole. I do not have the same needs or desires I once did. I have no need for you like this.” The Dark Lord said plainly.

“Was that all I was? Someone to scratch an itch, but now you do not itch and so, I am dismissed?” Severus asked with a sneer.

The Dark Lord gave him a warning glare, “We can not be what we once were.”

“We can.’ Severus declared, “We can be _us_ again. Just promise me you won’t leave me again, not like that, not without a goodbye.”

Severus had grown taller and broadened slightly with age. Their dynamics were the same and yet more equal than they had been. Both powerful and dark wizards, broken and put back together haphazardly. Maybe they could hold each other’s shards together a little longer, even if it were only a grasping at dust in the wind.

The Dark Lord gripped a handful of Severus’s hair and pulled his face towards his own and spoke against his lips.

“I promise,” and sealed it with a kiss.

———

_Look at me!_

He tried to scream as Nagini tore at his throat and Severus let her, too stunned by the way the Dark Lord had turned from him. Severus could only watch the Dark Lord’s back as the vicious pain ripped through him- from his throat or his heart he could not tell. Each hurt equally, in unfathomable pain that seared through him like being set on fire by an electric shock to his nervous system.

_Look at me! Look and me and say goodbye, you bastard!_

_I loved you! At least look at me!_

_You might have at least said it once. Even if we both knew it to be a lie. You might have lied once and let me hear it from your lips, just once. You’ve broken so many promises, even now you won’t say goodbye._

_Look at me, please._

_Please, one last time, look at me. Tell me it meant nothing to you. Even after you came back and all we could do was hold each other in the night. When all there was to remind me of the man you once were, was your laugh and your heartbeat. It had meant everything to me and I worshipped your laughter and heartbeat, even until my very end._

_Look at me and tell me why you couldn’t kill me yourself. Tell me why you can’t even look at me as you order my death._

_Look at me as you kill me._

_Look at me so I can know that I was right to betray you in the end. Look at me and show me the monster I idolized. Look at me, so I can show you how I loved Lily more, than I worshiped you._

_Look at me so I can confess all. You were my god when I denied all others, so look at me and let me show you..._

“Look at me.” Severus finally rasped but it was Lily’s green eyes that looked back at him and he confessed everything to his tears.

“Take them,” he begged her eyes.

_Take my confessions, Lily. I should have loved you more. I should have denied and defied him thrice more. Oh Lily, forgive me, I could not save your son either. I never could. He was already damned the moment you died. The moment **he** broke his promise to me._

_Oh, Tom! Tom, the name you never let me say, not even when we were alone together. Tom, so shall I call you, now- now that I am dead. Oh Tom, when you die, will you know that it was love that destroyed you? Perhaps that’s why you never said it. You loved power, Tom Marvolo Riddle, but you feared the power of love._

_I loved you Tom and so die, you and I._

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by this image: [Severus Snape’s Death](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/harrypotter/images/a/aa/B7C32M1_Nagini%27s_attack_on_Snape.png/revision/latest?cb=20161218210623)
> 
> I borrowed a couple lines from “The Lion in Winter”  
>  _Philip: I've spent two years on every street in hell._  
>  _Richard: That's odd; I never saw you there._
> 
> I love “The Lion in Winter” so much!
> 
> Also, I apologize if you are waiting for me to post another chapter of one of my other stories. Just dealing with a bit of writer’s block.


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